Regulating our empathy is key to stopping the flood of emotion from overwhelming our ability to cope and care for our well-being.
If we want to stop absorbing emotional baggage from others, it all starts with taking care of our physical, social, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I know it sounds like the whole world is harping on the idea of self-care, but there’s a reason for this.
When our own immune system or energy is depleted, we become a perfect sponge for sopping up emotions. We must take care of ourselves to avoid absorption in the first place.
1. When you notice heavy emotion, start by labeling what you’re feeling.
Labeling helps to bring us into a state of pause, which can help us to gain a little distance from the emotional experience for a moment.
2. Ask yourself whether what you’re feeling is yours, someone else’s, or a mix of the two.
It can be difficult to discern the difference sometimes. One approach I like to take is if I think I might be feeling a particular person’s “stuff,” I’ll imagine the person as completely whole, content, and full of light. Then I’ll revisit my own experience and see if I still feel the same way.
This played out in a recent loss in my life. While I was experiencing my own grief, when my relative who was closest to this person seemed to start to heal, I realized that much of my sadness released as well.
3. The moment you catch yourself feeling emotions that aren’t yours, raise your awareness of what’s happening within you.
It can help to say the word “compassion” to yourself as a way of intentionally focusing on what you can do to be supportive rather than allowing yourself to be overpowered by emotion.
4. Take a deep breath and notice where in your body you feel the most calm, grounded, or neutral.
It might be as simple as your toe or finger. Bring your attention to that place in your body and allow it to be a centering force to keep you grounded while you process and release any feelings you may have absorbed. Sometimes just having one calm place in our body can serve as a resource when the rest of you is feeling overwhelmed.
5. Return the other person’s emotions to them.
It is not your responsibility to carry other people’s emotional distress, and equally important, it helps absolutely no one. Try saying to yourself, “I’m letting this emotional pain that is not mine go now.” Remember that other people have to go through their own processes in order to grow.
6. Use visualization to fully release the emotions.
I find that it helps me to visualize a waterfall flowing through my body as a final release of any residual emotional gunk I might be carrying.
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